Believe it or not, the lack of awareness often becomes the unseen architect of our struggles. As Sheldon Kopp astutely noted, we unwittingly turn circumstances into our prison and let others become our jailers. The irony lies in our own obliviousness, especially when it comes to understanding the nuances of our personalities.
While some may possess a degree of awareness regarding their personality traits, others navigate life with little or no self-awareness at all. These personality patterns tend to unfurl gradually during childhood and adolescence, contributing to a lack of awareness within the nuclear family. Parents, accustomed to the evolving behaviors of their children, may inadvertently miss the subtle shifts in personality development. Even in more serious cases of personality dysfunction, parents may fail to recognize the gradual changes masked by the natural tumult of childhood and adolescence.
It is only with the passage of time that many individuals begin to sense the chronic and intransigent nature of their problems. Some may never fathom the role their fundamental personality plays in shaping their challenges. Instead, they attribute problems to external factors—spouses, children, bosses, coworkers, or the capricious hand of fate.
But how come so many people fail to see the elephant in the room?
A primary reason behind this obliviousness is our innate tendency to look outside ourselves for understanding. While this external exploration aids us in solving various life challenges, it often leaves us in a state of ignorance, with irrational biases or outright denial about our own thoughts, emotions, and behavior. Unlike research scientists equipped with elaborate techniques to prevent biases from distorting results, our daily lives lack a scientific method.
Consider these illustrative examples of how we often search for explanations outside ourselves when the root lies within:
Example 1: A person battling mild depression enters an art gallery and deems the artwork terrible. Unbeknownst to her, she wears “depression glasses,” projecting her negative mood onto the art and interpreting it through the lens of her depressed state.
Similarly, a depressed father may harshly punish his child, perceiving minor misbehavior as a severe transgression. His inability to recognize his depressed mood leads him to attribute family issues solely to the actions of others.
Example 2: Individuals with obsessive-compulsive personality traits may seek therapy for persistent anger and temper tantrums. Previous therapists may have overlooked the obsessive-compulsive aspect, leaving clients unaware that their emotional struggles could be linked to a broader personality pattern.
Example 3: Even mild paranoia can prompt someone to interpret a spouse’s extra time at work as evidence of an affair. Our default inclination is to seek external explanations rather than introspecting about what might be within ourselves.
This external focus persists because we often remain unaware of our internal landscape. Dysfunctional responses, initially seemingly effective at reducing stress, become entrenched over time. Blaming external factors becomes a habit, and the real challenge lies in connecting our personality traits to our thoughts, emotions, and behaviors—an awareness that eludes most individuals.
Therefore, it is essential that we understand our personality and be aware of our consciousness. “Why You Do That” can help!
“Why You Do That“ by John B. Evans, Ph.D., LCSW, is a remarkable book—a guide that will help you recognize and understand some of your basic personality traits. With prominent tips, strategies, expert guidance, real-time examples, and information, this book prompts that an accurate and comprehensive self-awareness is essential and will give you the self-control that allows you to choose who you will be in life. In short, “Why You Do That” provides a roadmap to self-discovery, encouraging readers to understand their fundamental personality traits. It serves as a mirror reflecting the influences that shape our choices, making it a cornerstone in the journey toward creating the person you aspire to be. The book is available on Amazon for purchase: https://amz.run/7L8d.